Category: <span>Marriage Counselling</span>

62 years of marriage and their take on marriage counselling

Couple Married for 62 Years and Their Take on Marriage Counselling

Whenever a married couple seeks the help of a counsellor, it gets people talking. Neighbors, friends, and anyone who knows the couple start assuming that the marriage is falling apart. Some people go so far as to assume extramarital affairs and many other problems. 

But this is not always the case. Take the example of Ralph and Bev Milton. The couple has been married for a grand 62 years. And they have not been shy about seeking the help of marriage counsellors to make the marriage successful. In fact, the couple has been through four seasons of professional counselling in the course of their marriage. 

Ralph was a co-owner of a publishing house that deals with liberal Christian books. On the other hand, his wife Bev served as a United Church minister. 

The couple does not think that seeking professional help in their marriage is easy. The beginning is always the hardest. They also understand that it can be difficult to confess certain things to your partner. 

But they know that the benefits of the counselling are better than the risk of not looking for professional help. The retired couple also believes that there are other important components for a successful marriage.

What are the ingredients for a successful marriage?

According to the Miltons, there are a number of factors that make a marriage successful. These include:

  • Professional marriage counselling – It is one of the most important components of a successful marriage. The Miltons believe that irrespective of the time you spend together as a couple, changes occur in life. It can be personal interests, and children growing up, among others. 

 

All of these changes can affect everyone differently. So professional counselling offers a couple the chance to examine their relationship, evaluate their strengths, and find ways to enrich their relationship even further. 

 

  • Having common interests – Another very essential component of a successful marriage is having common interests. It can be as mundane as cooking, hiking, or enjoying each other’s company. This allows couples to bond more and have a deeper connection with each other.

 

  • A network of friends – The Miltons do not underestimate the value of having meaningful friends in their network. The bigger the network is, the better. 

 

Having a solid network of friends will broaden your relationships. These friends also become indispensable when you face some problems as a couple or as an individual. 

 

  • Cultivate individual interests – Another very important ingredient of a successful marriage is to cultivate individual interests. While it is crucial to spend meaningful time as a couple, it is also essential to spend time away from each other. 

 

This way, you are not always invading each other’s space and getting on each other’s nerves. Spending time away from each other also makes you value the time you spend in each other’s company. 

Final thoughts

Seeking professional counseling can feel similar to starting the marriage all over again. But it shows your commitment to each other. It also reflects how much you are willing to work to make the marriage successful.

Worst Mistake Committed by Parents Undergoing Divorce.

Worst Mistake Committed by Parents Undergoing Divorce.

Did you know that January is called the divorce month and that the first Monday after the new years as the divorce day? All over Canada, a large number of people undergo divorce all throughout the year, but the figures are significantly higher right after the holidays are over.

Irrespective of the month of the year, divorce is a stressful and emotionally draining time. The couple undergoing the divorce is no doubt under a lot of stress. The end of a relationship can be painful, and when children are involved, it can be even more complicated.

The children are as vulnerable and undergo a lot of pain during this fragile transition. Patience, understanding, and careful handling of the situation are of vital importance so that no one is hurt or disrespected during the process.

We can all agree that not all divorce proceedings end on friendly and amicable terms. But when parents take their battle to social media, it can have far-reaching and devastating effects on the children. This is one of the worst mistakes a couple undergoing a divorce can commit, possibly causing irreparable damage.

 

How social media can affect children and divorce proceedings.

One of the most frightening things about the internet is that once you put something out there, it never really leaves. You can delete the tweets and pictures, but your footprints are already imprinted on the internet.

It can affect your kids and your case in the following ways.

  • Anything related to the divorce that you post online can affect your children’s psyche in a significant way
  • Negative statements and talking bad about your spouse can have a lifelong impact on the children
  • The texts that you put out can be used as evidence against you, especially if they are insensitive and negative statements about your spouse.

 

How to make the divorce easy for the children and yourself.

There is no divorce that is fun and celebration. However, instead of washing your proverbial laundry all over the internet, Harmony Counselling offer you some ways you can protect the children and yourself.

  • Refrain from posting negative things about your partner or the divorce on social media. Apply the same rules when it comes to emails and texts.
  • Don’t argue in front of the children, no matter how angry you are
  • Be supportive of the children and provide them with tangible answers when they ask you something
  • Reassure them of your love for them and be supportive
counselling services

Signs You Need Mediation In Your Marriage

Marriages are complex, and every one of them is different. There is nothing like a perfect marriage, so the rough days will eventually come. And some days and episodes can be more trying than others.

There are some problems that you can navigate on your own, as a collective solution. However, there are others which need more context and a third person to evaluate the situation. Marriage counselling can be beneficial in so many ways.

Signs that you may need mediation in your marriage include:

There are secrets

Secrets in marriage arise when you feel suspicious of your partner and that you cannot trust them with certain things. Honesty and implicit trust are vital to any relationship but all the more so in a marriage.

Communication is weak/difficult

Lack of proper communication in a marriage can make both of you feel unheard, neglected, and disrespected. It is typically the first harbinger of trouble in a marriage. If you cannot understand the different styles of communication, it can lead to a lot of problems.

There is less and less sex

Physical intimacy is one of the key ingredients in a marriage. If you have been feeling like you live like roommates rather than a married couple, you are right in thinking that something is wrong. It is especially true if this lack of intimacy is a sudden occurrence.

You argue a lot

When you communicate with your partner, and it almost always ends in an argument, there is trouble. Arguments can be just as bad as not talking to each other at all.

There is infidelity

Few things can be worse than infidelity within a marriage. It could be physical, emotional, sexual, and even financial infidelity.

At Harmony Counselling, our therapists have extensive experience in marriage counselling, and we are ready to mediate for you.

Call us today for an appointment.

emotional abuse

Suffering Emotional Abuse And walking Away From It

The beginning

Katy and Fred met through a couple of friends and they were off to a great start. Katy was somebody who suffered with mental health. But having met Fred, she felt like she found her place in the world. They both clicked instantly as they both dabbled with drugs and loved going to parties. Despite the fact that Katy did not get the proper medical attention for her mental health, the course of the relationship with Fred offered her temporary solution to her problems.

Marriage:

Fred and Katy decided that their partying days had to end and decided to get married and start a family. Katy claims that they had a loving relationship, but something felt amiss and she decided to ignore them anyway as Fred seemed supportive and non-judgmental of her mental problems. Katy would often find that money was missing from home and she would think that she was losing her mind.

Getting help:

Katy finally got help by going to a hospital and she was diagnosed with dysthymia. She took medication for it and everything was clearer to her. Later, she was able to notice that Fred’s behaviour was somehow off and with that, she found that Fred had incurred lots of debts. She was scarred when people came at their doors for asking the money that Fred had taken from them. She felt like her whole life was a complete lie.

Final blow:

Fred and Katy went for counselling to save their marriage. With time, they planned on a trip for their 10th year anniversary with some saved up money. But some things were never meant to be as some money went missing. It was Fred who stole it. Katy was heartbroken and knew there and then that Fred never cared for anyone but himself. She ended the marriage.

Rebirth:

Katy reconnected with friends and families and started afresh. As a victim of emotional abuse, it was not easy for her to get back on her feet. But as she took one step at a time, things have been better with the support of friends and families. As of today, Katy is a survivor and has learned to walk away from trauma by believing in herself.

husband no longer loves his wife

Husband Says He No Longer Loves His Wife After Caring For Her Illness

Fiona Caine, a trained counsellor and columnist, offers her expertise to a woman whose husband has fallen out of love with her without an explanation after taking care of her during her 12 months long illness while pretending that everything is fine between them in front of others.

The Problem

After she had recovered and decided to rekindle the romance, she was devastated to hear her husband say that he no longer loves her. He had never indicated any sign of disinterest or resentment, pretends like everything is fine and still share the same bed and have no plans of separating but refuse to consider counselling or provide an explanation to his wife.

Understanding the Situation

Being in a situation of the woman can be devastating and confusing, but through the experiences of Fiona, the expert says that there must have been some resentment from the past that made him question his feelings for her and the fact that they are both growing old might have triggered his sudden change in behavior.

How to Deal With Such Situation

  • Ask For Clarity

As human beings, feelings can alter and whether or not the husband’s reaction was because of accumulated resentment or a sudden one, he owes an explanation even for the fact that they were together for 22 years.

  • Be Realistic

If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, you can start by making your partner understand the reality of his actions and stop sleeping together and do things that you would typically do as a couple.

  • Encourage Conversation

Try harder to talk to him and push if you must but if he still refuses to talk, consider what severe measures you are willing to risk. Set a time limit to sort out their feelings and assess the situation after that.

  • Seek a Counsellor Alone

If all else fails, Caine suggests considering counselling alone to help I understand the situation, gain emotional support and mental clarity. The counsellor can also help gain new perspectives to deal with new possible conditions such as a relationship without intimacy, an open relationship or separation. Counselling can also give you a new approach to deal with the situation without losing self-esteem and integrity.