Category: Marriage Counselling

Worst Mistake Committed by Parents Undergoing Divorce.

Worst Mistake Committed by Parents Undergoing Divorce.

Did you know that January is called the divorce month and that the first Monday after the new years as the divorce day? All over Canada, a large number of people undergo divorce all throughout the year, but the figures are significantly higher right after the holidays are over.

Irrespective of the month of the year, divorce is a stressful and emotionally draining time. The couple undergoing the divorce is no doubt under a lot of stress. The end of a relationship can be painful, and when children are involved, it can be even more complicated.

The children are as vulnerable and undergo a lot of pain during this fragile transition. Patience, understanding, and careful handling of the situation are of vital importance so that no one is hurt or disrespected during the process.

We can all agree that not all divorce proceedings end on friendly and amicable terms. But when parents take their battle to social media, it can have far-reaching and devastating effects on the children. This is one of the worst mistakes a couple undergoing a divorce can commit, possibly causing irreparable damage.

 

How social media can affect children and divorce proceedings.

One of the most frightening things about the internet is that once you put something out there, it never really leaves. You can delete the tweets and pictures, but your footprints are already imprinted on the internet.

It can affect your kids and your case in the following ways.

  • Anything related to the divorce that you post online can affect your children’s psyche in a significant way
  • Negative statements and talking bad about your spouse can have a lifelong impact on the children
  • The texts that you put out can be used as evidence against you, especially if they are insensitive and negative statements about your spouse.

 

How to make the divorce easy for the children and yourself.

There is no divorce that is fun and celebration. However, instead of washing your proverbial laundry all over the internet, Harmony Counselling offer you some ways you can protect the children and yourself.

  • Refrain from posting negative things about your partner or the divorce on social media. Apply the same rules when it comes to emails and texts.
  • Don’t argue in front of the children, no matter how angry you are
  • Be supportive of the children and provide them with tangible answers when they ask you something
  • Reassure them of your love for them and be supportive
Importance of Marriage Counselling for Modern Couples

Importance of Marriage Counselling for Modern Couples

Unlike other areas of personal development and relationships, many people do not give precedence to marriage counselling. And it is not just the couples but society as a whole. Irrespective of socio-economic growth, many people associate marriage counselling as a sign of trouble within the marriage.

In many cases, this stereotyping and lack of understanding prevent couples from getting the right help at the right time. This has resulted in a lot of broken families and bitter exes.

At Harmony Counselling, we believe that marriage counselling can be a lifeline for those couples who have issues that threaten the relationship. It can also work to build up and strengthen new couples who have recently entered this sacred union.

Reasons why marriage counselling can be extremely beneficial for married couples include:

 

  1. Support for nuclear families

Unlike the olden days, most newlyweds live separate from their parents. When problems such as personal differences and financial issues arise, couples need unbiased support and direction.

 

  1. Improves communication

Since communication is the heart of every relationship, lack of it or communicating in the wrong way can result in a lot of pent up animosity and misunderstanding. Marriage counselling provides couples with the right skills to communicate effectively and proactively.

 

  1. Tackle issues related to finance

Couples struggling with issues related to how they spend and manage money are more common than you can imagine. It is also a major reason why many relationships end in tears. Marriage counselling can equip couples with the right strategies and valuable insights that can transform your finances and your marriage.

 

  1. Set boundaries and expectations

When couples get married and the honeymoon period is over, the realities of everyday life can hit you like an avalanche. Everything from household chores to running errands and taking care of personal self can all become a mess when couples set unrealistic expectations.

These can lead to friction in the relationship and lead to devastating results. Someone who can objectively and professionally point out these matters can improve your relationship and enrich your life. You can achieve this through marriage counselling.

 

  1. Improve the relationship

You don’t have to be undergoing problems to seek marriage counselling. Marriage is a commitment for life, and you will live with your significant other for the remainder of your lives.

Marriage counselling can offer you a great opportunity to develop and nurture this relationship so you can learn to live together, harmoniously, and in love.

counselling services

Signs You Need Mediation In Your Marriage

Marriages are complex, and every one of them is different. There is nothing like a perfect marriage, so the rough days will eventually come. And some days and episodes can be more trying than others.

There are some problems that you can navigate on your own, as a collective solution. However, there are others which need more context and a third person to evaluate the situation. Marriage counselling can be beneficial in so many ways.

Signs that you may need mediation in your marriage include:

There are secrets

Secrets in marriage arise when you feel suspicious of your partner and that you cannot trust them with certain things. Honesty and implicit trust are vital to any relationship but all the more so in a marriage.

Communication is weak/difficult

Lack of proper communication in a marriage can make both of you feel unheard, neglected, and disrespected. It is typically the first harbinger of trouble in a marriage. If you cannot understand the different styles of communication, it can lead to a lot of problems.

There is less and less sex

Physical intimacy is one of the key ingredients in a marriage. If you have been feeling like you live like roommates rather than a married couple, you are right in thinking that something is wrong. It is especially true if this lack of intimacy is a sudden occurrence.

You argue a lot

When you communicate with your partner, and it almost always ends in an argument, there is trouble. Arguments can be just as bad as not talking to each other at all.

There is infidelity

Few things can be worse than infidelity within a marriage. It could be physical, emotional, sexual, and even financial infidelity.

At Harmony Counselling, our therapists have extensive experience in marriage counselling, and we are ready to mediate for you.

Call us today for an appointment.

emotional abuse

Suffering Emotional Abuse And walking Away From It

The beginning

Katy and Fred met through a couple of friends and they were off to a great start. Katy was somebody who suffered with mental health. But having met Fred, she felt like she found her place in the world. They both clicked instantly as they both dabbled with drugs and loved going to parties. Despite the fact that Katy did not get the proper medical attention for her mental health, the course of the relationship with Fred offered her temporary solution to her problems.

Marriage:

Fred and Katy decided that their partying days had to end and decided to get married and start a family. Katy claims that they had a loving relationship, but something felt amiss and she decided to ignore them anyway as Fred seemed supportive and non-judgmental of her mental problems. Katy would often find that money was missing from home and she would think that she was losing her mind.

Getting help:

Katy finally got help by going to a hospital and she was diagnosed with dysthymia. She took medication for it and everything was clearer to her. Later, she was able to notice that Fred’s behaviour was somehow off and with that, she found that Fred had incurred lots of debts. She was scarred when people came at their doors for asking the money that Fred had taken from them. She felt like her whole life was a complete lie.

Final blow:

Fred and Katy went for counselling to save their marriage. With time, they planned on a trip for their 10th year anniversary with some saved up money. But some things were never meant to be as some money went missing. It was Fred who stole it. Katy was heartbroken and knew there and then that Fred never cared for anyone but himself. She ended the marriage.

Rebirth:

Katy reconnected with friends and families and started afresh. As a victim of emotional abuse, it was not easy for her to get back on her feet. But as she took one step at a time, things have been better with the support of friends and families. As of today, Katy is a survivor and has learned to walk away from trauma by believing in herself.

marriage

Pornography Addiction Ruins Couple’s Marriage

What started as the perfect relationship for Jane (name changed) and her relationship with her childhood friend turned into a relationship nightmare because of his addiction to pornography.

The Red Flag

Being close friends and a couple who shared many experiences, Jane suspected that there was a dark secret with John*(name changed) behind his addiction to pornography. She eventually found out that he and many other kids were sexually abused from the age of 5 till he was 15 years old by a man that was close to their families.

The trauma of the sexual assault John faced further deepened when the sexual predator killed himself, and the victimized boys never got a trail in court.

After 13 years of marriage to John, Jane finally came into terms with the damage that the childhood trauma had caused on her husband and his addiction to porn.

The Impact

John was continuously anxious, aggressive or depressed and nervous about his privacy and he was defensive when she tried to talk to him about his masturbating habit and how it affected their relationship.

John had unrealistic expectations for her to be sexually satisfied within a few seconds just like the pornography that he watched. Since Jane could not live up to that expectation, she felt performance anxiety, distant and unattractive and even helpless though she wanted to care for him and help him.

It took a toll on their marriage when John refused to admit his addiction and made Jane feel betrayed and disrespected and hurt even though she was trying her best to be understanding.

Their 15 years marriage finally dissolved after they consulted a marriage counsellor. Jane could not see a reason to stay and had no assurance about their future and John wanted to start another life with a younger woman.

The Specialist

Dr.Smith, a clinical and forensic psychologist, explains that though the number of pornography addicts is less, addressing the issue becomes a problem. Even though it is not all related to childhood trauma, there are cases of past influences behind the addiction. The treatment is similar to drugs and alcohol abuse and involves various approaches that involve communicating and adapting.

He says that couples like Jane and John dealing with pornography addiction can seek help from couples therapy or sex therapy where they can find common grounds of understanding, abstinence and controlled usage if they want to save the relationship.