Category: Couples Therapy

62 years of marriage and their take on marriage counselling

Couple Married for 62 Years and Their Take on Marriage Counselling

Whenever a married couple seeks the help of a counsellor, it gets people talking. Neighbors, friends, and anyone who knows the couple start assuming that the marriage is falling apart. Some people go so far as to assume extramarital affairs and many other problems. 

But this is not always the case. Take the example of Ralph and Bev Milton. The couple has been married for a grand 62 years. And they have not been shy about seeking the help of marriage counsellors to make the marriage successful. In fact, the couple has been through four seasons of professional counselling in the course of their marriage. 

Ralph was a co-owner of a publishing house that deals with liberal Christian books. On the other hand, his wife Bev served as a United Church minister. 

The couple does not think that seeking professional help in their marriage is easy. The beginning is always the hardest. They also understand that it can be difficult to confess certain things to your partner. 

But they know that the benefits of the counselling are better than the risk of not looking for professional help. The retired couple also believes that there are other important components for a successful marriage.

What are the ingredients for a successful marriage?

According to the Miltons, there are a number of factors that make a marriage successful. These include:

  • Professional marriage counselling – It is one of the most important components of a successful marriage. The Miltons believe that irrespective of the time you spend together as a couple, changes occur in life. It can be personal interests, and children growing up, among others. 


All of these changes can affect everyone differently. So professional counselling offers a couple the chance to examine their relationship, evaluate their strengths, and find ways to enrich their relationship even further. 


  • Having common interests – Another very essential component of a successful marriage is having common interests. It can be as mundane as cooking, hiking, or enjoying each other’s company. This allows couples to bond more and have a deeper connection with each other.


  • A network of friends – The Miltons do not underestimate the value of having meaningful friends in their network. The bigger the network is, the better. 


Having a solid network of friends will broaden your relationships. These friends also become indispensable when you face some problems as a couple or as an individual. 


  • Cultivate individual interests – Another very important ingredient of a successful marriage is to cultivate individual interests. While it is crucial to spend meaningful time as a couple, it is also essential to spend time away from each other. 


This way, you are not always invading each other’s space and getting on each other’s nerves. Spending time away from each other also makes you value the time you spend in each other’s company. 

Final thoughts

Seeking professional counseling can feel similar to starting the marriage all over again. But it shows your commitment to each other. It also reflects how much you are willing to work to make the marriage successful.

Co-parenting in a Strained Relationship 1

Co-parenting in a Strained Relationship

How do you face your partner when you still have resentment for the failure of your relationship? How do you cope with the anxiety whenever you keep them in charge of someone who means the world to you?

The solution is not easy, but possible. In this article, we will provide you with practical steps to help you manage to co-parent your child in a cordial and dignified manner.

  • Be honest about your feelings

Whether you tell your partner about your inability to be cordial with them is up to you, but do not try to deny that you are struggling. That way, your partner will be more sensitive about the way they talk or act around you. You will also find it easier to follow the next step.

  • Remind yourself that it is not the child’s fault

Sometimes people tend to divert the blame and resentment on others. The resemblance and the connection between your partner and your child might frustrate you sometimes, but your child deserves loving parents no matter how it comes.

  • Always put your child’s happiness first

Children need both their parents to develop mentally and emotionally. Even if the parents do not communicate well, make sure that you divide enough time so that the child can receive both qualities of the mother and the father.

  • Avoid paying attention to negative traits of your partner

If you really cannot avoid meeting your partner and even if you are moving on and doing better without them, remember that your child still needs him/her. You don’t have to pretend to be interested in their lives. You only have to make sure they are there for the child.

  • What they do is no longer your business

Harsh, but true. Once you have separated, do not forget that they are no longer a part of your responsibility. The only thing you can focus on is the welfare of your kid and executing your best to play the role. If your partner does not do the same, it is no longer your responsibility to try and coax them. Focus on fulfilling your side of the trust.

Take care of Yourself

If all these feels like too much of a task, consult a therapist or seek counselling from professionals. The emotional and moral support you get from sharing your thoughts with someone who wants to look out for your best makes things easier.

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finding love outside an unhappy marriage

Finding Love Outside an Unhappy Marriage

After 16 years of marriage, Tara found herself bidding her time in an unhappy marriage where she felt that the love and affection were lost. Even her two kids could sense that the husband disliked her and they had not made physical contact for years. It was devastating her emotionally and mentally.

Unhealthy Marriage

Tara had no alternatives but to stay in the marriage because of financial fears as she was not earning enough to support herself and her two kids. She also did not dare to face the emotional and financial strain of putting the kids in different homes.

Miserable and Unhappy

Tara was living a desperately unhappy and miserable married life until she met Grant at her daughter’s school. They started bonding over the kids at the playground and soon found out about each other’s unhappiness and the conditions that led them to stay in a relationship that was no longer good for their emotional and mental health.

Facing Reality

Eventually, Tara and Grant fell in love despite still being in separate marriages, and when they told their partners about it, the news worsened the situation. Grant’s wife threatened to take their kids and move back to Germany while Tara’s husband realized his love for her too late. It caused so much emotional strain on both their families that they were not ready to live together yet.

Dealing with the Consequences Through Counselling

Tara and her husband went to a marriage counselling, but it did not change her feelings about Grant. The counseling was adequate for a few months during which time they were able to sort out an amicable separation nearby where they could co-parent the kids.

Grant dealt with the situation in his terms while keeping his distance from Tara and allowing them to cope with their different positions in their way separately.

A year later, Grant came back to Tara’s life after a clean break up with his wife, and they are now engaged and happier than ever. They dealt with their complicated relationships with the help of a counsellor and emerged successful in creating a more comfortable life for themselves.


couples therapy

Five Signs You and Your Partner Need Couples Therapy

Building a stable relationship with your partner is a task that comes with many challenges, but the rewards can be sweet. But when you are continually arguing about minor issues, it can be problematic both for your relationship and for your mental health. To solve problems and deal with the challenges in dealing with a partner, sometimes the only way is to consult a couples therapist.

Though many people avoid therapy sessions or refuse to admit that they are in dire need of an intervention, it is vital to approach one if you want to save the relationship or improve the situations and move forward in life together.

According to Natasha Sharma, a relationship therapist based in Toronto, there are five vital signs that you should watch out for to find out if you need a therapist.

Frequent Arguments

Sharma states that even though all relationships have conflicts, some couples deal with them with the wrong approach. If the arguments drain you mentally and physically, you can find the root of it with the help of a therapist.

Different Life Visions

Building a stable relationship requires couples to envision the same future. For example, if one wants to kids or move to another city and the other does not see it happening, it could likely jeopardise the future, and only a counsellor can help you find ways to compromise on it.

Additional Stressor

Feelings such as insecurity, jealousy or mistrusts and infidelity often require an expert to help you cope or deal with the impact together or as an individual.

Infertility or Miscarriage

Unfortunate conditions like infertility or having a miscarriage are a common factor that drifts couples apart. While trying to come in terms with such loss, it is advisable to consult an expert for psychological and mental therapy.


If you are not happy with your partner anymore or you do not find any enthusiasm in taking the relationship forward, the most straightforward way is to see a counsellor that can help you figure out the cause, remedies or the best strategies to preserve your integrity.

Couples therapy also offers support for physical abuse and mistreatment and if you feel the slightest need for reassurance, security or emotional support, any time is a good time to try a couples therapy with your partner if you are willing.

early marriage counselling

How Millennials Are Benefitting From Early Marriage Counselling

A new survey on 1,000 participants that consists of millennials, baby boomers and GenXers show that the young generations of couples are exploring the benefits of marriage counselling to overcome communication and relationship hurdles because of difference in attitude towards marriage.

From all the participants, 51% are married, and 57% have attended marriage counselling. 29% found the coupes therapy useful while 16% were pleased with the result and only 19% felt that it was not helpful.

While Baby Boomers are more likely determined to follow up on the nuptials, GenXers are more carefree in their approach towards marriage.

According to Chantal Heide, this is emerging trend is unexpected but surely a  positive transition owing to the fact marriage does offer economic security while the prices of housing have escalated and the divorce rate in Canada has recently doubled in the past two years. Since these young couples live with their parents, counselling at an early stage helps in dealing with such issues.

Earlier, the purpose of couples counselling was to remit problems involving children, work, money and communication whereas communication, affair, money and children are the main issues that couples need therapy

According to Heide, Millennials seem to take emotional and financial security as a priority and the consequences more seriously as the present culture continuously emphasises on accountability, self-care, empowerment and dealing with life and depression.

From her observation, insecurity is the primary cause of issues among the millennials and it manifest to other matters so addressing on security through communication, trust and honesty are one of the main benefit of couples counselling that millennials expect.

Statistics from the research show that out of the 52% participants, with a majority of the participants being females, are willing to try marriage counselling even though they did not know what to expect.

Heides concludes that experiencing different types of counselling, no matter what generation or how far you have come in a relationship, is always beneficial to open new perspectives and to understand another human being of oneself. She further states that even though it takes time and patience, it does equip couples with the right tools to face whatever challenges that come their way.