Category: <span>Couples Therapy</span>

62 years of marriage and their take on marriage counselling

Couple Married for 62 Years and Their Take on Marriage Counselling

Whenever a married couple seeks the help of a counsellor, it gets people talking. Neighbors, friends, and anyone who knows the couple start assuming that the marriage is falling apart. Some people go so far as to assume extramarital affairs and many other problems. 

But this is not always the case. Take the example of Ralph and Bev Milton. The couple has been married for a grand 62 years. And they have not been shy about seeking the help of marriage counsellors to make the marriage successful. In fact, the couple has been through four seasons of professional counselling in the course of their marriage. 

Ralph was a co-owner of a publishing house that deals with liberal Christian books. On the other hand, his wife Bev served as a United Church minister. 

The couple does not think that seeking professional help in their marriage is easy. The beginning is always the hardest. They also understand that it can be difficult to confess certain things to your partner. 

But they know that the benefits of the counselling are better than the risk of not looking for professional help. The retired couple also believes that there are other important components for a successful marriage.

What are the ingredients for a successful marriage?

According to the Miltons, there are a number of factors that make a marriage successful. These include:

  • Professional marriage counselling – It is one of the most important components of a successful marriage. The Miltons believe that irrespective of the time you spend together as a couple, changes occur in life. It can be personal interests, and children growing up, among others. 

 

All of these changes can affect everyone differently. So professional counselling offers a couple the chance to examine their relationship, evaluate their strengths, and find ways to enrich their relationship even further. 

 

  • Having common interests – Another very essential component of a successful marriage is having common interests. It can be as mundane as cooking, hiking, or enjoying each other’s company. This allows couples to bond more and have a deeper connection with each other.

 

  • A network of friends – The Miltons do not underestimate the value of having meaningful friends in their network. The bigger the network is, the better. 

 

Having a solid network of friends will broaden your relationships. These friends also become indispensable when you face some problems as a couple or as an individual. 

 

  • Cultivate individual interests – Another very important ingredient of a successful marriage is to cultivate individual interests. While it is crucial to spend meaningful time as a couple, it is also essential to spend time away from each other. 

 

This way, you are not always invading each other’s space and getting on each other’s nerves. Spending time away from each other also makes you value the time you spend in each other’s company. 

Final thoughts

Seeking professional counseling can feel similar to starting the marriage all over again. But it shows your commitment to each other. It also reflects how much you are willing to work to make the marriage successful.

Co-parenting in a Strained Relationship 1

Co-parenting in a Strained Relationship

How do you face your partner when you still have resentment for the failure of your relationship? How do you cope with the anxiety whenever you keep them in charge of someone who means the world to you?

The solution is not easy, but possible. In this article, we will provide you with practical steps to help you manage to co-parent your child in a cordial and dignified manner.

  • Be honest about your feelings

Whether you tell your partner about your inability to be cordial with them is up to you, but do not try to deny that you are struggling. That way, your partner will be more sensitive about the way they talk or act around you. You will also find it easier to follow the next step.

  • Remind yourself that it is not the child’s fault

Sometimes people tend to divert the blame and resentment on others. The resemblance and the connection between your partner and your child might frustrate you sometimes, but your child deserves loving parents no matter how it comes.

  • Always put your child’s happiness first

Children need both their parents to develop mentally and emotionally. Even if the parents do not communicate well, make sure that you divide enough time so that the child can receive both qualities of the mother and the father.

  • Avoid paying attention to negative traits of your partner

If you really cannot avoid meeting your partner and even if you are moving on and doing better without them, remember that your child still needs him/her. You don’t have to pretend to be interested in their lives. You only have to make sure they are there for the child.

  • What they do is no longer your business

Harsh, but true. Once you have separated, do not forget that they are no longer a part of your responsibility. The only thing you can focus on is the welfare of your kid and executing your best to play the role. If your partner does not do the same, it is no longer your responsibility to try and coax them. Focus on fulfilling your side of the trust.

Take care of Yourself

If all these feels like too much of a task, consult a therapist or seek counselling from professionals. The emotional and moral support you get from sharing your thoughts with someone who wants to look out for your best makes things easier.

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how to succeed in parenthood

Finding Love Outside an Unhappy Marriage

After 16 years of marriage, Tara found herself bidding her time in an unhappy marriage where she felt that the love and affection were lost. Even her two kids could sense that the husband disliked her and they had not made physical contact for years. It was devastating her emotionally and mentally.

Unhealthy Marriage

Tara had no alternatives but to stay in the marriage because of financial fears as she was not earning enough to support herself and her two kids. She also did not dare to face the emotional and financial strain of putting the kids in different homes.

Miserable and Unhappy

Tara was living a desperately unhappy and miserable married life until she met Grant at her daughter’s school. They started bonding over the kids at the playground and soon found out about each other’s unhappiness and the conditions that led them to stay in a relationship that was no longer good for their emotional and mental health.

Facing Reality

Eventually, Tara and Grant fell in love despite still being in separate marriages, and when they told their partners about it, the news worsened the situation. Grant’s wife threatened to take their kids and move back to Germany while Tara’s husband realized his love for her too late. It caused so much emotional strain on both their families that they were not ready to live together yet.

Dealing with the Consequences Through Counselling

Tara and her husband went to a marriage counselling, but it did not change her feelings about Grant. The counseling was adequate for a few months during which time they were able to sort out an amicable separation nearby where they could co-parent the kids.

Grant dealt with the situation in his terms while keeping his distance from Tara and allowing them to cope with their different positions in their way separately.

A year later, Grant came back to Tara’s life after a clean break up with his wife, and they are now engaged and happier than ever. They dealt with their complicated relationships with the help of a counsellor and emerged successful in creating a more comfortable life for themselves.

new study

New Study Shows That Divorce is Bad For Health

According to recent researches, divorcees are more likely to indulge in unhealthy habits like smoking, alcoholism, avoiding physical exercises and finally falling into depression.

These behaviours are also expected to shorten lives or cause severe mental or physical illness. The correlation between these vital health concerns is proven by the researches of Kyle Bourassa and a team from the University of Arizona.

Bourassa and the team conducted a study on 5,786 adults over the age of 50 from the English Longitudinal Study of Aging. Out of these participants, 4,860 are married whereas the rest were unmarried, divorced or separated.

The data collected the participants’ life satisfaction, smoking status and exercise habits, lung functions and level of inflammation while keeping tracks of them during the period of study and the results predicted that the married participants were expected to live longer than the divorced or unmarried subjects.

On further examination of the data, it was also evident that there were lower physical activities, lesser enthusiasm and poorer lung functions because the divorced participants were more prone to smoking. The reason for the poorer performance of the divorcees was presumably the absence of responsibility for another person which made them lead a casual lifestyle.

According to relationship experts, Chantal Heide and Jessica O‘Reilly, the cause of depression are probably the psychological stress, anxiety and temporary distress that most of the divorcees faced.

The transitions in finance, housing, interaction, sleeping pattern and other life changes lead them to either pick an unhealthy habit or aggravate the existing practices.

The study also concluded that even with some exceptions, women fared better than the men in recovering from the bad habits and in dealing with the post-divorce depression because they are more open to socialising and willing to seek positive changes through counselling or therapy.

The men, on the other hand, were more reluctant to seek emotional support because of gender issues even though that notion is rapidly changing with time.

While not all the divorcees fall into the depressive habit, Heidi and O’ Reily stated that making positive changes ease the symptoms of depression. Activities like isolation for mental and psychological clarity, finding social support groups, adopting healthier eating and habits and lifestyle activities are some of the positive changes that can help deal with the desolation.

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Don’t be embarrassed to go on couples therapy

We define the treatment path in couples therapy after patiently listening and carefully understanding the problems couple is facing. Our practical and scientific approach, while balancing and weighing the emotions at stake, helps us bring in the much needed transparency and attachment among the partners. It definitively helps in doing the right thing, and taking the right decision, not only for the relationship, but personally as well.

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