Category: Couples Therapy

finding love outside an unhappy marriage

Finding Love Outside an Unhappy Marriage

After 16 years of marriage, Tara found herself bidding her time in an unhappy marriage where she felt that the love and affection were lost. Even her two kids could sense that the husband disliked her and they had not made physical contact for years. It was devastating her emotionally and mentally.

Unhealthy Marriage

Tara had no alternatives but to stay in the marriage because of financial fears as she was not earning enough to support herself and her two kids. She also did not dare to face the emotional and financial strain of putting the kids in different homes.

Miserable and Unhappy

Tara was living a desperately unhappy and miserable married life until she met Grant at her daughter’s school. They started bonding over the kids at the playground and soon found out about each other’s unhappiness and the conditions that led them to stay in a relationship that was no longer good for their emotional and mental health.

Facing Reality

Eventually, Tara and Grant fell in love despite still being in separate marriages, and when they told their partners about it, the news worsened the situation. Grant’s wife threatened to take their kids and move back to Germany while Tara’s husband realized his love for her too late. It caused so much emotional strain on both their families that they were not ready to live together yet.

Dealing with the Consequences Through Counselling

Tara and her husband went to a marriage counselling, but it did not change her feelings about Grant. The counseling was adequate for a few months during which time they were able to sort out an amicable separation nearby where they could co-parent the kids.

Grant dealt with the situation in his terms while keeping his distance from Tara and allowing them to cope with their different positions in their way separately.

A year later, Grant came back to Tara’s life after a clean break up with his wife, and they are now engaged and happier than ever. They dealt with their complicated relationships with the help of a counsellor and emerged successful in creating a more comfortable life for themselves.

 

couples therapy

Five Signs You and Your Partner Need Couples Therapy

Building a stable relationship with your partner is a task that comes with many challenges, but the rewards can be sweet. But when you are continually arguing about minor issues, it can be problematic both for your relationship and for your mental health. To solve problems and deal with the challenges in dealing with a partner, sometimes the only way is to consult a couples therapist.

Though many people avoid therapy sessions or refuse to admit that they are in dire need of an intervention, it is vital to approach one if you want to save the relationship or improve the situations and move forward in life together.

According to Natasha Sharma, a relationship therapist based in Toronto, there are five vital signs that you should watch out for to find out if you need a therapist.

Frequent Arguments

Sharma states that even though all relationships have conflicts, some couples deal with them with the wrong approach. If the arguments drain you mentally and physically, you can find the root of it with the help of a therapist.

Different Life Visions

Building a stable relationship requires couples to envision the same future. For example, if one wants to kids or move to another city and the other does not see it happening, it could likely jeopardise the future, and only a counsellor can help you find ways to compromise on it.

Additional Stressor

Feelings such as insecurity, jealousy or mistrusts and infidelity often require an expert to help you cope or deal with the impact together or as an individual.

Infertility or Miscarriage

Unfortunate conditions like infertility or having a miscarriage are a common factor that drifts couples apart. While trying to come in terms with such loss, it is advisable to consult an expert for psychological and mental therapy.

Unhappiness

If you are not happy with your partner anymore or you do not find any enthusiasm in taking the relationship forward, the most straightforward way is to see a counsellor that can help you figure out the cause, remedies or the best strategies to preserve your integrity.

Couples therapy also offers support for physical abuse and mistreatment and if you feel the slightest need for reassurance, security or emotional support, any time is a good time to try a couples therapy with your partner if you are willing.

early marriage counselling

How Millennials Are Benefitting From Early Marriage Counselling

A new survey on 1,000 participants that consists of millennials, baby boomers and GenXers show that the young generations of couples are exploring the benefits of marriage counselling to overcome communication and relationship hurdles because of difference in attitude towards marriage.

From all the participants, 51% are married, and 57% have attended marriage counselling. 29% found the coupes therapy useful while 16% were pleased with the result and only 19% felt that it was not helpful.

While Baby Boomers are more likely determined to follow up on the nuptials, GenXers are more carefree in their approach towards marriage.

According to Chantal Heide, this is emerging trend is unexpected but surely a  positive transition owing to the fact marriage does offer economic security while the prices of housing have escalated and the divorce rate in Canada has recently doubled in the past two years. Since these young couples live with their parents, counselling at an early stage helps in dealing with such issues.

Earlier, the purpose of couples counselling was to remit problems involving children, work, money and communication whereas communication, affair, money and children are the main issues that couples need therapy

According to Heide, Millennials seem to take emotional and financial security as a priority and the consequences more seriously as the present culture continuously emphasises on accountability, self-care, empowerment and dealing with life and depression.

From her observation, insecurity is the primary cause of issues among the millennials and it manifest to other matters so addressing on security through communication, trust and honesty are one of the main benefit of couples counselling that millennials expect.

Statistics from the research show that out of the 52% participants, with a majority of the participants being females, are willing to try marriage counselling even though they did not know what to expect.

Heides concludes that experiencing different types of counselling, no matter what generation or how far you have come in a relationship, is always beneficial to open new perspectives and to understand another human being of oneself. She further states that even though it takes time and patience, it does equip couples with the right tools to face whatever challenges that come their way.

new study

New Study Shows That Divorce is Bad For Health

According to recent researches, divorcees are more likely to indulge in unhealthy habits like smoking, alcoholism, avoiding physical exercises and finally falling into depression.

These behaviours are also expected to shorten lives or cause severe mental or physical illness. The correlation between these vital health concerns is proven by the researches of Kyle Bourassa and a team from the University of Arizona.

Bourassa and the team conducted a study on 5,786 adults over the age of 50 from the English Longitudinal Study of Aging. Out of these participants, 4,860 are married whereas the rest were unmarried, divorced or separated.

The data collected the participants’ life satisfaction, smoking status and exercise habits, lung functions and level of inflammation while keeping tracks of them during the period of study and the results predicted that the married participants were expected to live longer than the divorced or unmarried subjects.

On further examination of the data, it was also evident that there were lower physical activities, lesser enthusiasm and poorer lung functions because the divorced participants were more prone to smoking. The reason for the poorer performance of the divorcees was presumably the absence of responsibility for another person which made them lead a casual lifestyle.

According to relationship experts, Chantal Heide and Jessica O‘Reilly, the cause of depression are probably the psychological stress, anxiety and temporary distress that most of the divorcees faced.

The transitions in finance, housing, interaction, sleeping pattern and other life changes lead them to either pick an unhealthy habit or aggravate the existing practices.

The study also concluded that even with some exceptions, women fared better than the men in recovering from the bad habits and in dealing with the post-divorce depression because they are more open to socialising and willing to seek positive changes through counselling or therapy.

The men, on the other hand, were more reluctant to seek emotional support because of gender issues even though that notion is rapidly changing with time.

While not all the divorcees fall into the depressive habit, Heidi and O’ Reily stated that making positive changes ease the symptoms of depression. Activities like isolation for mental and psychological clarity, finding social support groups, adopting healthier eating and habits and lifestyle activities are some of the positive changes that can help deal with the desolation.

preparing families for separation

Preparing Families to Cope With Separation with Dr.Ellie Bolgar

According to the current statistics on common-law relationships, the rate of breakups and divorce in Canada is approximately 50% higher than the last couple of years. This has led to an imminent need for attention on the impact it creates on families, especially the children because researches and statistics show that the adverse effect of divorce on children is due to the conflict of the parents rather than the process of the divorce.

According to Dr. Ellie Bolgar, a Couples Therapist based in Langley, the consequences of separation and un-coupling creates a challenging transition for each person involved in the family in a unique and diverse way.

Adapting an affirmative program can prepare families and couples to progress from uncertainty to an organized and healthy relationship that could ensure happier and better wellbeing in the future with dignity.

Dr. Bolgar, the Family Mediator in Langley, devised an effective approached that can prepare and assist a divorcing couple, family breakup or uncoupling of a common-law union with an in-depth understanding and analysis of the situation and finding strategies to cope to help the family to readjust their life with minimum stress during or after the separation.

Since the legal system in Ontario cannot put the social and emotional impression as their priority, each family member has to find a coping solution to suit their unique psychological and emotional responses. By combining a psychological approach with legal family laws, Dr. Bolgar uses a thoughtful approach to bringing peace and acceptance to people in need of mental and emotional support when they have to confront a family issue.

The impact of transition varies for children and adult, but anxiety, depression, and disturbed psychology is common in both. Counseling sessions are highly effective is equipping the family members with a positive mechanism to grieve, cope and move forward even within a blended family.

As a Professor, Dr. Bolgar also believes that counseling can also help children to adjust and nurtured to continue the attachment to both parents after or during the separation process for the productive years of the children’s personality and emotional development.