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62 years of marriage and their take on marriage counselling

Couple Married for 62 Years and Their Take on Marriage Counselling

Whenever a married couple seeks the help of a counsellor, it gets people talking. Neighbors, friends, and anyone who knows the couple start assuming that the marriage is falling apart. Some people go so far as to assume extramarital affairs and many other problems. 

But this is not always the case. Take the example of Ralph and Bev Milton. The couple has been married for a grand 62 years. And they have not been shy about seeking the help of marriage counsellors to make the marriage successful. In fact, the couple has been through four seasons of professional counselling in the course of their marriage. 

Ralph was a co-owner of a publishing house that deals with liberal Christian books. On the other hand, his wife Bev served as a United Church minister. 

The couple does not think that seeking professional help in their marriage is easy. The beginning is always the hardest. They also understand that it can be difficult to confess certain things to your partner. 

But they know that the benefits of the counselling are better than the risk of not looking for professional help. The retired couple also believes that there are other important components for a successful marriage.

What are the ingredients for a successful marriage?

According to the Miltons, there are a number of factors that make a marriage successful. These include:

  • Professional marriage counselling – It is one of the most important components of a successful marriage. The Miltons believe that irrespective of the time you spend together as a couple, changes occur in life. It can be personal interests, and children growing up, among others. 

 

All of these changes can affect everyone differently. So professional counselling offers a couple the chance to examine their relationship, evaluate their strengths, and find ways to enrich their relationship even further. 

 

  • Having common interests – Another very essential component of a successful marriage is having common interests. It can be as mundane as cooking, hiking, or enjoying each other’s company. This allows couples to bond more and have a deeper connection with each other.

 

  • A network of friends – The Miltons do not underestimate the value of having meaningful friends in their network. The bigger the network is, the better. 

 

Having a solid network of friends will broaden your relationships. These friends also become indispensable when you face some problems as a couple or as an individual. 

 

  • Cultivate individual interests – Another very important ingredient of a successful marriage is to cultivate individual interests. While it is crucial to spend meaningful time as a couple, it is also essential to spend time away from each other. 

 

This way, you are not always invading each other’s space and getting on each other’s nerves. Spending time away from each other also makes you value the time you spend in each other’s company. 

Final thoughts

Seeking professional counseling can feel similar to starting the marriage all over again. But it shows your commitment to each other. It also reflects how much you are willing to work to make the marriage successful.

Psychotherapy Harmony Counselling

The Most Effective Type of Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy has become an indispensable part of treating a number of disorders. Some of the most common areas where psychotherapy has proven its efficacy include cognitive behavioral therapy, systems-based therapy, and psychodynamic therapy, among others. 

 

They are used in isolation or in combination with another form of therapy. All of these types of psychotherapy come with different outcomes. They are also applied in different situations. 

 

This inevitably makes you wonder which of these types of psychotherapy is the most effective. This post is an attempt to find out the answer to this question. 

 

Which is the most effective approach in psychotherapy?

 

According to experts from the field, all the approaches of psychotherapy are equally effective. This means that there is no one approach that is superior to another. Although this may seem confusing to begin with, the reasons behind this explanation are quite straightforward. 

 

Regardless of the type of approach of psychotherapy used in the treatment, three common traits are observed. This is based on the results published in one research. They are:

 

  • Building positive relationships – This typically starts between the therapist and the patients. There is an unmistakable bond between the two parties, which rubs off on the other relationship, especially in the life of the patient. 

 

An increasing number of studies point to the fact that up to 80% of the patient’s positive influence can be attributed to this bond and a positive relationship with the therapist. 

 

  • Compelling rationales – The therapist provides convincing yet psychologically derived explanations when the patient is under emotional stress. Therapists have the innate knack to make compelling explanations that makes sense to the patients. Regardless of the clients’ condition and situation, the explanation must make sense to the particular client. 

 

  • Targeted change – The patient undergoes a number of procedures and exercises that aims to result in a helpful and positive outcome under the supervision of the therapist. Some of these practices are aimed to be adaptive, meaning that the patient can overcome difficulties using them. 

 

It also involves breaking the pattern of behavior by the patients. These three steps also constitute the quality of success in psychotherapy, irrespective of the approach used in treatment. Without these three crucial components, any approach in psychotherapy is bound to be a failure. 

 

What defines an effective change in psychotherapy?

 

Many researchers believe that without this third step, there is no point in psychotherapy. This means that a client must show a shift in problematic patterns or reversal of the patterns. 

 

All the approaches in psychotherapy identify problems that are faced by the patients as patterns and cycles. They go round in vicious cycles that plague the patient. 

 

But fortunately, these problems make sense to him or her. This is the reason why psychotherapy clients have an overwhelming feeling of being consumed by the problem, especially before he or she can make sense of the problem. 

 

Therefore, when the client shows a shift in this problematic pattern or a sign of reversal, it is referred to as effective change.

Worst Mistake Committed by Parents Undergoing Divorce.

Worst Mistake Committed by Parents Undergoing Divorce.

Did you know that January is called the divorce month and that the first Monday after the new years as the divorce day? All over Canada, a large number of people undergo divorce all throughout the year, but the figures are significantly higher right after the holidays are over.

Irrespective of the month of the year, divorce is a stressful and emotionally draining time. The couple undergoing the divorce is no doubt under a lot of stress. The end of a relationship can be painful, and when children are involved, it can be even more complicated.

The children are as vulnerable and undergo a lot of pain during this fragile transition. Patience, understanding, and careful handling of the situation are of vital importance so that no one is hurt or disrespected during the process.

We can all agree that not all divorce proceedings end on friendly and amicable terms. But when parents take their battle to social media, it can have far-reaching and devastating effects on the children. This is one of the worst mistakes a couple undergoing a divorce can commit, possibly causing irreparable damage.

 

How social media can affect children and divorce proceedings.

One of the most frightening things about the internet is that once you put something out there, it never really leaves. You can delete the tweets and pictures, but your footprints are already imprinted on the internet.

It can affect your kids and your case in the following ways.

  • Anything related to the divorce that you post online can affect your children’s psyche in a significant way
  • Negative statements and talking bad about your spouse can have a lifelong impact on the children
  • The texts that you put out can be used as evidence against you, especially if they are insensitive and negative statements about your spouse.

 

How to make the divorce easy for the children and yourself.

There is no divorce that is fun and celebration. However, instead of washing your proverbial laundry all over the internet, Harmony Counselling offer you some ways you can protect the children and yourself.

  • Refrain from posting negative things about your partner or the divorce on social media. Apply the same rules when it comes to emails and texts.
  • Don’t argue in front of the children, no matter how angry you are
  • Be supportive of the children and provide them with tangible answers when they ask you something
  • Reassure them of your love for them and be supportive
Workshop on Community Safety in Kenora 1

Workshop on Community Safety in Kenora

On October 18, 2019, a good number of community stakeholders attended a workshop under the banner “Community Safety and Well-Being.” Ever since the legislation of Ontario made it compulsory for municipalities to develop community safety plans, Kenora has been on the forefront by making a lot of changes in the community.

This was noted by the MD of Canadian Municipal Network on Crime Prevention, Felix Munger, who also facilitated the workshop. Kenora’s Community Safety and Well Being Plan was introduced in 2015, way before the mandatory law was introduced.

What topics are discussed in these workshops?

Kenora’s community members are proactively trying to identify the root causes of crimes in the community. In these types of workshop and forum, a wide range of problems and social issues are discussed at length. In this particular workshop, community members focused on these issues:

  • Mental health and addiction – Mr. Munger comments that up to 80% of calls made to the police are related to social disorder. The calls that are crime-related almost always are a result of addiction and/or mental health issues.
  • Youth – Sheri Norlen from the Creighton Youth Centre in Kenora emphasizes the need to connect with young offenders on a personal level. Ignoring their individual needs has a direct link to criminal behaviour. She suggested different measures, which includes child counselling, connecting with family, anger management classes. Through these programs, she hopes to get to the bottom of their criminal behaviours.
  • Housing and poverty
  • Human trafficking/sexual exploitation
  • Violence/victimization

Why does traditional criminal justice not work for young people?

According to data, the traditional criminal justice system is not effective for the young folks. It is because the traditional system primarily involves punishment of some sort and trying to correct the criminal behaviour.

It does not attempt to get to the bottom and isolate the reason behind the criminal activity. Ms. Norlen, who is a manager of services that works with young offenders in the age group of 12 to 18, says that understanding the needs of these erring youngsters as people is the best way to correct the behaviour.

She is of the opinion that most criminal activity has roots that can be traced to family problems as well as poverty. Along with her, the entire community of Kenora hopes to keep their youth in a stable environment through prevention programs as well as workshops. These can be a solace for young offenders to stay sober, regroup and make changes in their lives.

a new life post divorce

Pursuing a New Life Post Divorce

Dealing with Divorce

We know the impact of a divorce and the struggles of starting a new life after a painful separation. The fear of financial instability, caring for the children in separate homes and dealing with single parenting are all relevant issues that many people seeking a divorce from their partners have to consider.

 Starting Fresh

The first step to establishing your self-esteem on your own is to get a clean break from the mess of the divorce by consulting a divorce lawyer who is familiar with family law. That way, you can be independent of your decisions and not share accountability for the success of your plans with your divorced partner.

You can consult a divorce lawyer or a family lawyer at http://abilaw.ca/ and start a new life, explore your abilities and creativity and have a successful career on your own even after divorce!

Setting a Clear Track

Many clients commit the mistake of jumping into a career out of desperation without considering the impact it will have on their family and the time it takes to commit to establish a stable job.

Consulting a family lawyer helps you determine the right path in choosing what is best for you, your family and your spouse with dignity and empathy without going against the law.

Choosing the Right Career

It can be challenging to support a family and have a stable career single-handedly at the same time. Starting a new life after a divorce requires you to invest your time in creating a new home and spare time to self-care as well.

So for starters, choosing a career that allows you work at your pace and channelling your energy into a positive routine where you can meet new people, explore new ideas and gain new perspective is an excellent place to start.

To find the right lawyer to support your future career decisions, you can discuss with a family lawyer at Fight Traffic Tickets.

If you are not sure of your potentials and where to begin, look for something online such as joining a hairdressing school in your locality where you can develop skills and learn online at your own pace.